i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize