Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
3 2 1 whiskey
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
