Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
