I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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