I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
