I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
