i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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