Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
