Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
