We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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