What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
