It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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