if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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