sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
this hospital has no fireball
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
