Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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