somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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