she looked like the before picture.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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