I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I didn't notice because vodka
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
