I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You made out with two different species that night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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