Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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