Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
