# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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