it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
