I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
