My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
