I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
