If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
one might say we're banned from that church
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
