nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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