Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
