well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
