actually, I'm a sock model
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
