the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
