It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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