So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
