Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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