Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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