i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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