we have pet lesbian snakes
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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