I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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