fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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