it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
