We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
