also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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