He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
