Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
