just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
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I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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