he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it hurts more in the daytime
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
