come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
