spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
