Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
