its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
