the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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