gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
