my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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