What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
