oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
