i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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