Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
