Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
